The Insanity Test
by Topaz18
Summary: I wouldn't call my well-being insanity, just an extreme case of boredom. And hunger. And thirst. And tiredness. And hotness. And also hotness. How long can Chell travel an endless wheat field without giving in to insanity?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N **

**I have always wanted to write from an insane person's view adn here it is...**

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><p>"There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space, and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears, and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of insanity, in an area of which we like to call The Mental Zone."<p>

"Wheat, wheat, wheat, rock, dirt, wheat, dirty wheat. That is all I see. Wheat, wheat, wheat, rock, dirt, wheat, and wheat. Oh, and also clouds. But after six months things can get pretty boring right? Oh, I wouldn't call my well-being insanity, just an extreme case of boredom. And hunger. And thirst. And tiredness. And hotness. And also hotness. Yeah...

"Ay yeah, guess what? I just said ay instead of oh! Doesn't that put me on a cooler level of insanity? I think so! Anyway, that wasn't the statement, or answer, whatever. What I was trying to say is that I can tell you what Im saying! Get that, world? I can talk! Bam, in your face! Hi five! Wait, there is no one there.

"Well, that is except my little Companion Cube. Aren't you so cute? Yeah, you are! You know what? All of my questions are rhetorical. You know why? Because I can speak and you can't! Hahaha! I shall now maniacally laugh! Do you know why I couldn't speak before? Because I am utterly awesome and I decided not to talk to that giant hump of metal they call a computer. Yep, I just earned some awesome points!

"Hey, hey Companion Cube! Are you doing anything later? Because my meaning of life is! It just decided to ruin our plans and jump into a bottomless pit full of cake and ponies and pony farms and parents and escape lifts and boys and purses and tailors and three way portal guns. I mean seriously! Who would want any of that? I mean I might want a couple of those things. Maybe, I will just take the cake. And the ponies. And everything else.

"Anyway, did you know that my portal gun had a name? Yeah, I named him ASHPoD. Epic name right? ... Yeah, I know that was a rhetorical question. Wait. Did you just...? Yay, I knew you could talk! Just maybe not with the entire Australian accent thing. I mean, why would you give a Companion Cube an Australian accent? Why would you give a robot a British accent? The world doesn't make sense!

"Oh no. Is that a... Is that a McDonalds? I never knew they had those in the middle of wheat fields! I know, I know, they have horrible food, but food is food. You know, that McDonalds is looking far away now. I shall run! Running, running, running. Step, step, step. Aww what? I hate hallucinations! I am going to kill whoever made those!

"You know, that is a funny word. Come on, say it in your Australian accent, Mr. Companion Cube. Hallucination. Hallucination. Hallucination. Hallucination sounds like distraction. No, it doesn't! Haha! Fooled you for a picosecond!

"You know what? After six months of wandering through a wheat field without any food for miles, I realize something. Wheat equals bread. Bread equals edible. So therefore wheat equals edible! And yes I did multiply on my math correctly! Jeez, cubes these days. So I can eat this stuff. Yech! This tastes like tofu!

"Hey look a dinosau- wait just another delusion. Sorry to have alarmed you. Wait, it is a dinosaur... shaped twig. Oo, look, that twig looks like a unicorn. I feel sorry for all those people out there who hate unicorns, they never get any happiness from unicorn magic later in their life.

"You know, Mr. Companion Cube, you look a lot like a sandwich. A very box-like sandwich. I wonder what you taste li- _don't eat the cube_. Who said that? _No one in particular_. What? First, I see McDonalds, then a dinosaur, and know I am hearing voices? The whole world must be out to get me!_ Exactly_. Ah! There it is again! Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip! _Okay, okay! Commencing shutting up. _

"You know what, I really feel like fainting right now! Wee! Ow. Falling on the ground hurts. Do not try it. Seriously. Really, Mr. Companion Cube? You _do_ want to fall from a great height? Well, I will just stand on top of you, then pick you up and throw you on the ground! That way you can feel pain! Real pain! Hurting pain! Hahaha! Okay and- that did not work. Ow! Stupid, stupid, why do I keep doing these things to myself!

"You know what? I need a nap! Goodnight, Mr. Companion Cube!"

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><p>GLaDOS stared at the screen, astonished. Who knew Chell would give in to so much insanity? But, this was fun. Especially if you knew that Chell didn't have freedom, just a room that is designed to go on forever. Chell's insanity suffering constantly cured the A.I.'s boredom, and plus testing was being done. A test about insanity. GLaDOS wasn't the least bit surprised once Chell started actually talking, she knew it all along. GLaDOS was surprised when she started talking to the Companion Cube, and when Chell started voicing her thoughts, it might have started to creep out the two-ton computer. But anyways, testing had to be done, whether it was on insanity or portals.<p>

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><p><strong>AN**

**I do not own anything here worthy of owning! I am hoping to write more of this when I feel like writing something absurd, so please review and tell me if you like it!**


	2. Chapter 2

"So I would just like to ask, Mr. Companion Cube, was your life always this boring?" Chell held the wheat stalk to the Companion Cube's … face? "Oh no, no, no, fire is totally your color, which is one reason why I put you in the incinerator, duh! I mean, seriously, that pale pink and pale white and pale gray is just too… pale, if you get what I am saying. You don't? Why you…"

Chell kicked the Companion Cube. In slow motion, sound effects in all. "Chuck Norris roundhouse!" Just as her fist was about to come in contact with the cube, it swerved away. "Gasp, you evaded my attack! Chell used punch! Companion Cube took 10 percent damage, critical hit! Companion Cube used… Cubes of Death! Noo! Great, now I have a headache! Thanks, Mr. Companion Cube! By the way, that was sarcasm!

"I absolutely despise headaches! Ow. Too wordy. I feel all... Oh my wow I feel like I'm gonna... Throw up. Ugh! I think I should curl into a fetal position. No, don't move. Do not move moving disturbs the mind. Do not talk, it disturbs the mind. Ugh! You know what? I am going to ignore the pain. Pain ignoring! Hey that actually worked!"

Chell jumped up and started walking again. "Oops! I almost forgot Mr. Companion Cube! Wait, you wanted to be forgotten? Fine, then! I am going to ignore you! Starting now! Wait, you say you apologize? Oh, okay then, I forgive you." Chell picked up the cube and started walking on again.

Meanwhile, GLaDOS sighed on the other end of the cameras. Chell was starting to get slightly boring, maybe she should spice it up a bit. GLaDOS checked the environment in the giant glass dome. Maybe she should... Oh, here it is, perfect for testing!

Chell looked up as she heard a weird swooshing sound above her. "What's that?" She asked her Companion Cube. "Oh, I must be hallucinating again. Anyway, don't you think this wheat feels really grainy? I mean it's all... Crumbly and- what the?" Chell looked at the sky again.

"Hmm... I could have sworn that I heard someth- AHHH!" Chell jumped up and ran around in circles. "Fire! Fire! Fire! Mr. Companion Cube, why have you cursed me with evil?" Chell fell to the ground. "I shall now die a peaceful, dramatic death. Why world? Why? Sigh! Dramaticness! How do those people always have the perfect death speeches? Okay, umm… Death, dying. Wait." She lifted up her head.

"Oh, wait, that's... Propulsion Gel?" Orange goo fell around Chell. "Propulsion Gel from the sky? Sky, why you send me propulsion gel? Who cares, propulsion gel is fuuuuuuuuunnnnn!" Chell's voice spread out as she ran across the propulsion gel that had flattened a small circle of wheat around her.

"I'm ice skating! Ha, ha! How do you feel now, Mr. Companion Cube? I am AWESOME! YOU ARE NOT! JEALOUS? Wheeee-ow!" Chell's words cut off as she tripped and fell, face-first, into the very pointy wheat. "Companion Cube. Please head to the principal's office. You aren't in trouble or anything, YOU JUST HAVE TO BE PUT TO DEATH! You killer! You made me FALL on the WHEAT! And the wheat was VERY POINTY! And it totally didn't HURT! By the way, that was SARCASM!" Her scream of rage started out quiet, but then it slowly got louder, and louder, until even the sound-proof walls of the endless chamber began to shake.

"I SHALL KILL YOU, COMPANION CUBE!" GLaDOS was about to turn off her audio processors, when a sickening cracking sound filled the facility. GLaDOS's optic widened as she surveyed the damage. A large very visible crack ran along the top of the virtual chamber Chell was in. It seemed Chell heard the crack too and looked up.

"The sky is falling! What do I do, what do I do? Mr. Companion Cube, did you do this? I SHALL KILL YOU! AGAIN!" Getting no response she looked back at the ceiling. "What, is that a wall behind the crack? Why is there a wall… in the sky? What purpose is that for? The sky doesn't need a wall! Or… is that? Am I in Aperture still? I hate this world." With her insult came another cry of rage. Chell grabbed the companion cube and chunked it at the ceiling. "Why?Why?Why?"

GLaDOS, on the other side of the facility, started panicking. How could something have gone wrong? She had done everything perfectly! In her haste, she couldn't find a reasonable way to knock Chell out without killing her, so she just did what first came to her mind. A Weighted Storage Cube fell from the artificial blue sky and fell right on top of Chell, sending her flying across the room. As her head hit the hard, wheat filled ground, she fell unconscious.

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><p><strong>AN**

**I know, I know, it is different, but I couldn't really work with just Chell talking. This chapter just seems... wrong in some way...  
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**Anyway, the person of the day is... afatcat101 and their story Reality Check! That story really makes you think...  
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**Go check out The Fanfiction Awards!  
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***counts on fingers* I have the author of the day, the ad, and my opinion on the chapter... What am I missing? Oh yeah! **

**PLEASE REVIEW!  
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